as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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