Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
