That's intense
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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