i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
