The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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