Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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