hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
