do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
