Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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