I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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