so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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