It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
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