haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
