I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
