strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
