btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
