Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
