3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
