Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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