Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Little spoons don't ask big questions
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize