Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
