went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
