clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
