I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
