U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
