I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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