Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
