it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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