im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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