shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
