I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
