This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You took a bar mat shot.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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