When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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