Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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