Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
