oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
