so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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