Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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