3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
