now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
