Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Randomize
