the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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