I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
