She's JV to your varsity
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just had sex on a roof
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
