I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
