Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
