I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
