Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
