next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
