i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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