My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
