I looked at my own cervix.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
